2011 goals

well, the big, bad Christmas blizzard of 2010 is here, and quite honestly i'm not impressed. there hasn't been a whole lot of snow to speak of... but the wind on the other hand... has been impressive.

we have nylon string that is tying the tree to the shutters... but still the winds knocked the tree sideways. see? impressive.

tonight i'm extremely thankful for a roof over my head, electricity that has stayed on, heat and my family safe at home.


now, for the plans of 2011...

i'm excited to start a Beth Moore Bible study with friends in the coming weeks. we're planning on going through "Breaking Free"

today i committed to reading through the Bible in the coming year. i will start on saturday and continue through december 31st, 2011. i'm using YouVersion. you can click on the widget on the side of my blog to take you to the reading plans. i will following the chronological reading plan. i'm going to need some major accountability (this means YOU, amanda and rachel). i tried to read through the Bible last year, but failed miserably after about 3 weeks. i'm hoping reading in the order of events happening will help.

i also bought a journal to keep track of the year's praises and prayer requests.

my goal is to spend more time in prayer in the coming year, and really trying to find God in the little things. sometimes i get so caught up in the heavy things in life that myself and friends are going though (work, life transitions, addiction, terminal illness) that i lose sight of God's daily provisions.

i really, really REALLY need to get back into shape. i had a pretty good wake up call back in june when i went for a physical. i hadn't been for a good blood workup in... well... ever. i was borderline diabetic, and my cholesterol was elevated. i went off all of my medications - birth control for acne, nexium for my "ulcer" as was the lexapro... after finding that i didn't have an ulcer but gallbladder issues i weaned myself off the lexapro (something i hope i NEVER have to do again... it was AWFUL!). i've lost about 15 pounds since seeing the doctor, and when i went for a re-check my numbers were all lower. definitely a praise! i do have a lot more work to do before i'm happy, though and this NEEDS to be the year. (again... my friends, i will need some major accountability). this poor dog loves to go for walks, and i need to start taking her at least a few times a week!


well, that's a start for now. i'm sure there will be more in the coming days as i reflect back on 2010 and look towards 2011. :)

Luke Augustine Muckle

i'd be remiss if i didn't post about MY NEW NEPHEW!

Due on Christmas day, little Luke Augustine made his grand entrance into the world at 8:55am on Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010. How precious is he? i hate being so far away... i absolutely cannot wait to meet this little guy!!

Luke, just minutes old:

Daddy and his new son!

about 32 hours old here:


this picture is probably my favorite... Luke is a sleeping angel... momma is exhausted... gabe is SO excited (he has been with this entire 9 months) and john... well, john STILL isn't sure about his baby brother...

welcome to the Muckle family, Luke. you are SO loved already! i can't wait to see what God has in store for your life!!!

Social Network Christmas

12.14

my favorite candle topper and yankee candle scent!

12.13

i had an adorable subject for today's dpp! tonight i made dinner for kathryn, becca, morgan and myself at the caltons!

morgan is getting SO big, and talking a ton! i think she's the first 15 month old that i can understand EVERY word that comes out of her mouth. she's a cutie and it was a ton of fun spending some time with her!







and a bonus video:

12.12

the adorable emily... saying "cheeeeseburgers and french fries with ketchup" when i was taking her picture. seriously, one of the most adorable 5 years olds EVER.

12.11

i totally stink at the whole daily photo project. but tonight i had mackenzie take a few pictures of the choir for me so i could post them.

the sanctuary looks beautiful! we lit all of the candles tonight... and although we did have a near fire emergency, God protected us :)


my beloved choir:

12.7

i forgot my camera at home :( but i did manage to take a cell phone picture of SOME of my chorus kiddos. (after all, why would i expect ALL of my chorus kids to show up for a performance? that's just silly...)

12.5

the tree is lit! with the potential of going to Pennsylvania for Christmas this year, and then leaving for Michigan the day after, we're keeping the tree simple. we'll probably keep just lights on the tree this year, and put Christmas cards on the tree as we get them. not going to go all out like we normally do with the decorations.

EVERY year we decorate with white lights - inside and out. well, this year i decided to really shake things up. we have colored lights outside, AND on the tree this year. i. love. it.

i give you the 2010 Muckle Family Christmas Tree:

12.4

today was super busy. my doggy baby went to the groomer. she came back with TWO bows in her hair, and a fancy Christmas bandanna! she can't sit still long enough for a photo to catch all of the cuteness...i went to yetter tree farm for my tree again this year. once again, dave and jordan cook were working their Christmas tree magic! here's a shot of jordan working hard securing my tree to my car!
there's my tree! stay tuned for pictures of the tree decorated. this picture was taken before it was placed on my car, but i'm too lazy to re arrange the photos to be in chronological order :)

12.3

i PROMISE i did take a picture today. however, i left my camera in my car, so you will have to wait until tomorrow. :)

until then, have a listen to this song. when i was in choir practice wednesday night, we sang through this song for a good half hour or more. it's musically challenging, and the message is powerful. i think sometimes we (read: i) try to make Christianity something more complex than what it is.

the simplicity of these words struck me:

"...but in the name of Jesus, the chains of bondage fall, our prayers are heard and answered,when God's children call. There is power in the name of Jesus - there is hope, there is strength and victory to claim. There is healing in His holy presence - there is power in His name."

i just love it! it cuts off a little early.... but i hope you enjoy, too. :)

12.2

after a warm, rainy and windy day yesterday... today was beautiful. i tried to catch the gorgeous sunset. i wish i had a better camera.

12.1

well, with about 4.5 hours left, i took my first photo for the december photo project.

i was at prayer meeting at church, and as i was walking through the narthex (when i THOUGHT i was leaving) i saw that the lights were lit from all of the decorating we did in the sanctuary last night.

so, here is a poor quality, albeit first photo of december, 2010.

*note - this picture does the santuary NO justice. it looks absolutely stunning in person!

some thoughts

Transitions are times of learning and growing. I'm convinced the reason for my current circumstances is for just that: maturation, progress, sanctification. For the most part, I am loving it - not EVERY moment, but most. I am filled with joy and peace and contentment.

I have been undergoing a transformation the past 2-3 months, and having just spent a LOT of time in the car, I had some (read: a ton) of time to reflect.

Lately, I'm often reminded to appreciate the little things, the small moments, the quiet treasures.

Right now, I am taking note of these things precious to me:

• Iced Mocha from Starbucks... now even better with a shot of peppermint!
• Christmas Music
• being HOME (i'm referencing more than one home here)
• the simple encouragements from friends
• being able to pick up with friendships right where we left off
• flexibility and freedom to do what i want, when i want!

These things are good, and important to notice and give thanks for.

But there are bigger things happening. God is doing so much more.

I need to be reminded to surrender my agenda, in the small things. I have complete faith that God is showing me his plans are bigger and better. God "guards the feet of his faithful servant," (1 Samuel 2:9), and his "grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 12:9). His promises are true... I'm not surprised, but I am refreshed and excited and thankful and so many other things.

corn stuff and Thankful Thursday

EVERY year since thea marie has been in our family, officially and non-officially... she has made her famous corn stuff. it's name is REALLY spoon bread, but her dad calls it corn stuff, so that's what stuck.

EVERY year since thea has been making corn stuff, i have had to ask her for the recipe for a friend. or, in this case, for the muckle family thanksgiving.

EVERY time i ask her for the recipe, i'm sure she asks herself why i haven't written it down.

i made corn stuff for the first time this year. i decided to document it. this way, i don't have to ask poor thea ever again!

what you need:

a stick of butter

8 oz sour cream

1 can kernel corn (drained)

1 can cream corn

1 small box jiffy mix

melt a stick of butter and mix it with 8 ounces of sour cream.

then, add a can of drained kernel corn, and a can of creamed corn

then, stir in the jiffy mix

then lightly grease a 9x13" pan with butter

pour into the 9x13 pan and bake at 375* for 45mins to an hour.

Thankful Thursday - there is so much to be thankful for today; so much that i don't even know where to begin.

i am absolutely LOVING spending time here in Michigan with my family. the highlight? snuggle time with john and gabe... and getting to feel my nephew kick!

this year i am most thankful for God's unfailing love and grace... and for the fact that He never gives up on us! this road He has taken me on is beginning to take on a clearer picture... right now, no matter where i decide to worship, i am focusing on one relationship... not the relationships i am building with other parishioners... not with the kids... but with the Almighty. today, i am thankful for His grace, protection and provision.

Thankful Thursday # 2

Keeping it simple tonight. This week I am thankful for

Ruth Replogle - last Friday I received word that a dear friend of the family had passed from this life to the next. I don't think I could find adequate words for who Ruth Replogle was. She was a true gem; one in a million; Christ personified. Pastor Bruce put it best when he re-worded Genesis 5:24 and said "Ruth walked with God; and she was not, for God took her." She lived her life - every moment - for her Lord and Savior. What an example! Her husband shared a story that gives a little insight to her walk with the Lord. He said she would remind him, even in the midst of their chores, to thank God. "Lord, we ask your blessing on these chores".... who does that?! I love that woman. In the words of Julie Cook - Ruth, you make me want to love more, pray more, do more - all in His name.

Since Ruth's service on Tuesday, I have been more aware of the way I interact with people. I am more aware of how much I pray. I am more aware of how I pray. I strive to live my life in Ruth's example......

Thankful Thursday

in the spirit of Thanksgiving, i would like to write Thankful Thursday posts this month. (yes i realize i am a week late). i'm hoping to continue on with this after November, because the Bible tells us to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18)... so, no more negative nelly around here!

i am thankful for:

a roof over my head tonight. every year around this time, when the weather turns colder, my mom says "just think of those poor people who don't have a shelter tonight"... momma's good when it comes to putting my perspective where it should be.

my dog. i may not have a husband or children to spoil, but i have my dog. she is CONVINCED that the world revolves around me. it doesn't matter if i have had the crappiest of days, that animal is SO excited to see me when i come home. kind of flattering. i've read this in a few places: 'Lord, please help me to be the woman my dog thinks i am." very true.

time with momma muck. poppa muck and my brother chris drove out to michigan today and are going to visit with tim and his family before going to the notre dame game on saturday... leaves us with lots of girl time. i'm also thankful that my dad and his first born get to spend some quality time together.

laryngitis. yes, you read that correctly. i've been planning for a while to take a few girls from the youth group to Sonic today seeing as we all had the day off. well, my voice has been progressively disappearing since tuesday.... every morning i wake up and think "it can't possibly be worse than it was yesterday" and much to my surprise, it is. this is something that i have had annually since i began teaching, but i have never had such a severe case. when i say i have NO voice, i have NO voice. i was thinking the hour-long drive would be interesting... however, it gave me an opportunity to really listen to the girls. it's the first time i've viewed illness as a blessing.

last for this week, but certainly not least: Veterans. my family is rich in history when it comes to family members who have served our great country. my uncle was a Marine... my brother served in the Army... my sister in law's father served in Viet Nam (actually served, none of this dick blumenthal stuff)... many friends who are actively serving... i am thankful for the men and women who have put their own lives on hold serving the United States. i encourage you, no matter how you feel about war, to honor these men and women as well. they have served so that you and i can enjoy the freedom we still have in this country.

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same."

- Ronald Reagan

"well, it's... it's a major award!"

i hope you caught that christmas story quote.... anyhow, i've been given an award! no, it's not a bowling alley or anything that will provide "the soft glow electric sex gleaming from the window" (another christmas story quote) but.... the versatile blogger award!!!

To accept this award, one must:

1. link back to the person who gave you this award


2. share 7 things about yourself


3. pass it along to other blogs you enjoy


4. make sure you tell your awardees about the award so they can repost.

I would like to thank Emily Gironimi for giving me this award :) i looked up the definition of "versatile", and it says "embracing a variety of subjects".... while i don't necessarily agree with that definition when it comes to my blog (i tend to whine a lot on here :) ) i am VERY appreciative of the award because you need to "pass it along to other blogs you enjoy". so, i'm glad you enjoy my blog, em! :)

here are 7 things about me:

1. i have a thing for making "to-do" lists. so much so, that i have multiple to-do lists. crossing items off my lists? amazing.

2. i love cheese. my oldest brother gave me the nick name "rodent" when i was little because i could have easily lived on cheese. still that way today. there are so many varieties and flavors, it should be its own food group. (today i picked up wisconsin sharp cheddar cheese and some onion & garlic jack cheese... woah!)

3. i love former president george w. bush. i'm tired of all the haters out there, when after 9/11 he had the highest approval ratings of any president in recent history. i give the man credit for doing a tough job during one of america's worst moments. i would love to meet him one day! maybe i will invite him to my wedding (when and if that happens, of course!) :)

4. i love to clean because it gives me instant gratification. dusting, vacuum, scrubbing. i. love. it. also, it adds to relieve stress!

5. i have officially applied to one grad school program. i have another program i am looking at and i can tell you that i'm already ready to be done.

6. *S*N*O*W* is in the forecast (literally a few flakes) for tomorrow morning... but can i tell you how GIDDY this makes me?! i love snow (from now until new year's - after that it's only good for an occasional snow day) i'm practically shaking on the inside with excitement because soon CHRISTMAS will be here!!! ohhhh "lovely, glorious, beautiful christmas!" (christmas story quote right there). i LOVE the holidays in general and am SO looking forward to Christmas this year because that means BABIES are due!!! :)

7. i don't know if i will ever be able to share a bed with my husband. seriously. i know, this is random but... i have a full size bed (i did have a queen) and i literally sprawl out across the whole thing. i don't know if i will ever be able to sleep confined to half of a bed.

well, i'm going to link up to a few blogs that i enjoy. i don't have high hopes for anyone posting the same kind of reply to the award, because these people live incredibly busy lives. just take it as a compliment that i truly enjoy reading your blog, and you are all an inspiration to me in one way or another! :)

The Dishmon Daily

Team Matzoh

Keeping Up With the Jones

My Dance of Joy

Kelly's Korner

Definitely. Maybe? Baby!

Bring the Rain

my mind and my heart...

my mind is constantly at war with my heart.

disclaimer: i love my parents dearly.

my mother is listening to peter, paul and mary's "this land is your land". my father is currently driving for the limo service, and i feel guilty being THRILLED with this time away from him because EVERY DAY i come home from work, he is here. the retiree is a home body. (now i know where i get it from).

i need decompression time from my job. this year i have been unable to be home before 5pm (with the exception of rare occasions and my precious fridays - i refuse to stay later than 3pm on a friday). whenever i come home, someone is here, and i am forced to close my door and hole up in my room while i process my day and prepare to talk.

is it too much to ask to have a home of my own? where i can hear only the music i want to hear? somewhere that gives me a little more space of my own? somewhere i can light the candles i want to burn? where i can leave something, and when i get back after a 10 or 11 hour day, it will still be there? somewhere i can call MY own? somewhere i can choose the color of the walls and the curtains i hang? somewhere i can express MY own self in the decor? somewhere i choose the carpeting?

i can't help but feel guilty for feeling this way, because as i stated in my disclaimer, i adore my parents. they're great. but i think i could adore them more if i was living down the road 10 minutes from them :)

(thanks for giving me that opportunity this week, rachel and kyle! even though i would much rather be with everyone!!)

i often wonder what God is preparing me for by living at home... still.

i could get a part time job... i technically DO have a part time job mondays, wednesdays and thursdays... it pays well... but i feel like working an additional minimum wage, part time job would further my exhaustion and take away from the energy i am required to have on a daily basis from 7am-4pm. it just doesn't seem worth it.

so, the plan is to stop saving for a few months and pay off some credit card balances i've been carrying for too long. i can write off my student loans in a few more years if i stick with teaching in an inner city school district. (definite bonus to teaching city kids, not sure if my sanity being on the line is worth it, though). pay extra on the (amazing) car (that i am still in love with) in order to pay that off early. cancel the gym membership. go to the cheapest netflix membership available. etc, etc, etc....

i really try to stay positive and see the bright side of things and lean on the Everlasting. BUT... this week has been tough on me. bad things happening to good people. friends making really poor choices. students making more poor choices. family members struggling financially. friends and family members struggles with addiction.

(side note that made me laugh: i proof read this and it originally said "friends and family members struggles with addition". ha! also, WHY is blogger so dumb and changing the size of my font in the middle of this post and then putting it back to normal later in the post? annoying.)

i have klove playing on another tab in my browser and this was playing as i wrote that last paragraph: "there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain and no more fears. there will be a day when the burdens of this palce, will be no more, we will see Jesus face to face, but until that day, we will hold on to you always..."

this post really doesn't have a conclusion, and that bothers my music-teacher-forced-to-additionally-teach-language-arts-and-essay-writing-skills self...... but the ultimate purpose of this blog is to document my heart and thoughts.... so that i can look back and see where i was and where i ended up.

to be continued...

chosen!

about this time last year, i sat on the front porch of my parents' house with kathryn, celebrating the life of a friend of hers that ended much earlier than she had hoped. we sipped pink champagne, and talked about the heavy things that come our way in life.

we talked about anthony, and how he had left his wife kristi behind. how they had been married such a short time. they had their whole life together planned, and they had much to accomplish.

everything kristi had, was stripped away in an instant.

i wondered... how did she move forward? how does she function? she is broken, but her faith is strong, kathryn told me. she knows that anthony's passing is part of God's plan... like it, or not...

i remember that night sharing with kathryn that the Lord had been asking me for quite some time, "Valerie... am I enough?"

while my life circumstances weren't what i was hoping for, they weren't as bad as kristi's... i was honest and i told Kathryn that at that point, i had to say "no"....

to some Christians, that may have been a questionable answer. kathryn reassured me that it was a beautiful answer.

after that conversation and some time of pushing it to the back burner, i did some research on brokenness...

and found that the Bible says that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us.

(well... that's a given...don't we all already know that?)

what i didn't realize was that while He may allow us to have free will, for those whom He wants to use for His purpose - they will be brought to brokenness so that they may serve to glorify Him.

wow... what better purpose in life???

i have said from the day that i graduated from high school that my wish was not to do what i wanted, but what the Lord would have me do... and it took me 8 years to get my teaching degree. the Lord taught me a lot during those 8 years... mostly that for me, the "normal" things for young adults don't happen in the time frame seen fit by society... but in His perfect timing.

why change that now?

i want a husband, and a house with little feet running through it. i want dirty diapers and sleepless nights. i want baby snot and spit up. i want focus on MY family. i want to attend Bible studies and bring my kids to soccer and baseball and gymnastics...

go back to that whole wishing-for-my-life-what-God-wants-and-not-what-i-want thing.

and insert be careful what you wish for [ here ].

i'm standing at a place in life where i never thought i'd be on SO many levels... and while it's a surprise to me, it's not to the One i made a promise to live for.

after all.... i've been chosen...

i can get so caught up in the have nots in my life... i have my days of wanting what i want, when i want it.

i need to be reminded that i have been CHOSEN by HIM to live my life for HIS purpose. not mine!!!

it means that my every need will be supplied. and not necessarily my "wants" in life. am i ok with that? i'm getting there.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i started this blog entry late last night (saturday). wouldn't you know... Pastor Bob McCoy's message today was on being CHOSEN!

the question resonating with me from today's sermon is this: Jesus has said "I have chosen you."... am i going to make Jesus my #1, or will i produce a substitute surrogate?

conflicted.

ever been in a situation that you knew was being orchestrated by the Almighty, yet... it was one of the most difficult situations you have had to deal with in recent memory?

that's where i find myself tonight.

and i'm conflicted.

this past week i made a decision that has been 28 years in the making. while i am excited for what God has in store, i am simultaneously scared to death.

it is said that conflict is necessary in order for change.

the word "change" isn't usually welcome in my vocabulary...

i don't know anything else besides sundays groton heights baptist church.

and now that is gone.

my faith is such a huge part of who i am.

i think about the journey of my faith, and i see the people who have mentored me along my path...

the people who have loved me and seen through my adolescence...

the people who took me under their wing during my teen years.

the people who have been role models to me.

the people who have been Godly examples for me.

the people who i have seen Jesus in.

the people who i look up to, love and respect.

the people who i consider my family.

the family who God has placed in my life... all through the doors of ghbc... whether it has been for a season, or, as in many cases, for as long as i can remember.

it is so incredibly frightening to walk away from my family after 28 years.

but He who has called me to walk is greater than my fear;

i have seen many people come and go, and now... i sit here, unable to really grasp the reality that i'm one of the ones who has chosen to go.

i use the term "chosen" extremely loosely, because let me be clear: it is NOT me who has been driving this decision...

i've stepped out in faith, and am trusting the entire way...

3 years

Isabella Madison Bychowsky...



also known as Izzy Bee...



you came SO early...



and left us much too soon...



you were beautiful...



and i am so honored to have met you...


4.20.07 - 9.13.07 - rest in peace, sweet izzy bee.

my heart

(this is going to be all over the place.... bear with me)...
wednesday i had a rough day.
sometimes i get unhappy. i think about my life, and the struggles i and my family have gone through...
the tears i have shed over BOYS... over not being married... over not having a baby... over not having a perfect body...
sometimes i get SO ANGRY with myself for getting caught up in that sadness...
satan knows exactly what buttons to push...
those thoughts that creep their way into my mind... that discourage... that interfere and distract... that trouble... that suffocate my joy.
i have to snap out of it! i have to take a look around me. there is SO much good going on... and there is SO much evidence to me that God is indeed real and Jesus is very much alive and working in hearts of SO many...
it could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.
there are worse things than still living at home at 32 years old. (ugh... really??)
there are worse things than not being married.
there are worse thigns than not being a mother.
there are worse things than being overweight.
there are worse things than having that dumb wrinkle on my forehead from too much squinting.
let's take a look at the good... shall we?
- i have some pretty garsh darn amazing friends. and they allow me to love on their babies as if they were my own nieces and nephews. and they don't get freaked out. well, maybe they do... but they're kind enough to not talk about it in front of me :)
- i went out one day this summer, and stopped at a car dealership and decided i wanted to buy a car. so i did. all. by. myself. no one helped me. no one to steer me in one direction or another. how many women can say that? (ok don't tell me, let me just have this one, ok?)
- living at home allows me to travel. i am free to visit friends, to vacation, to visit family.
- i have an amazing job. talk about knowing God has seen you through some tough days but has COMPLETELY made Himself visible in so many different ways.
- i can totally do something about my weight, and i am! i'm completely medication free (anxiety and stomach presciptions - both of which i was put on because of my "ulcer") and have already dropped a small amount of that excess weight that i am CONVINCED i gained due to a combination of meds)... but it's a start!
- i'm healthy.
- i have a roof over my head.
- i have a college degree.
- i have a steady income.
i need to remember this on those days when i'm having a "my life susks and i'm not where i thought i would be at this point" kind of a day.

dear parents:

please stop trying to be your child's best friend by telling them things they have no business knowing. your job as a parent is to be just that - -a parent. you will, in turn, make my job much easier.

hugs and love,

val

life is good today

i just wanted to document today.

dad's retirement is coming up in a little over a month. mike and thea have thought it over a lot, and decided to make him something for his retirement gift.

let the waters rise

ok, new favorite song this week!

better than a hallelujah

i LOVE this song!!!!

life

i think today about marks the halfway point through summer. crazy. so far i have done a whole lot of... well, nothing. haven't been to the beach, haven't traveled anywhere exciting. i have, however, bought a car and taken quite a few naps. not really living life to the fullest, i guess. gotta work on that.

last week was my niece rebecca's 13th birthday. 13! although she looks more like she's 18.



i think it's the eye make up.

i remember when rebecca was born. my first niece. she was 5 weeks early and a PEANUT. oh how i love babies!

i digress.

i've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things lately. life in general, really. where is mine going?

it's never easy to admit when you're unhappy with life. at least it's not for me. and when i look back at the past few years, i realize i'm really not that happy.

i love the kids i teach. i really do. as much as some of them drive me crazy, i'm honored and proud to have entered the teaching profession and strive to be a positive influence in the lives of my students each and every day. i know their lives are far from ideal, and i just hope they can look back at their time in my classroom and know that i loved them. it would be great if they learned something, too! but to know that i loved them is more important to me.

when i was job searching, i remember saying ''i just want to find a job. my life has been at a standstill for 3 years and i just want some movement forward.'' i thought getting hired to teach would help change that feeling of my life being "on pause"...

i was 29, and saw myself in a condo by 30. (ha! didn't happen.) paying off student loans, credit card debt, adding a car payment, cell phone bill, "rent", and spending just because i can haven't allowed me to be as close to being debt free as i would like to be. i'm not getting any younger. i'm no closer to living the dream of being a wife and mom than i was 5 years ago when i graduated with my bachelor's...

so now the time has come to make a decision about my master's. honestly, it was something i was hoping i could avoid altogether because i am by NO MEANS a student. i have never been a fan of academia... just a big fan of the social aspect of getting my education. now that i have clean slate to start with, i want to hold myself to high standards. but, the problem lies with where to start...

do i take a step of faith and apply to schools outside of connecticut? what programs should i apply for? do i stop at a master's, or get my 6th year? then, why stop there? i was able to witness my brother's doctoral commencement and was inspired by the ONE and ONLY Ph. D. candidate in education. but do i want to stick with education?

i've thought a lot about nursing. i'd probably apply to an accelerated nursing's program and get my master's. last summer i talked to another youth leader at church about nursing and she offered to have me shadow her for a day on the labor and delivery floor. how AWESOME would that be?? if i'm not blessed with a husband and children, wouldn't it be cool to help bring a bunch of babies into the world?! i think so.

i took out part of a valentine's gift from 2 GREAT girls the other night, and 2 verses they gave me slapped me in the face:

"NEVER stop praying. be THANKFUL in ALL circumstances, for this is GOD's WILL for YOU who BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST." - 1 Thess 5:17-18

and

"commit to the LORD whatever you do... and YOUR PLANS WILL SUCCEED!" - proverbs 16:3

what great verses!!!

i'm not sure anyone will make it to the end of this post... but i wanted to be able to come back at some point and see how far i have come... because at this point in my life... i feel like i'm stuck on "pause" again........

school's out for summer!

(almost)....

i really can't believe that i am looking at the end of another school year tonight. typically i reflect on the year i've had, and i have to say this has been the best. i have enjoyed teaching 5th and 6th graders immensely. they are young enough that they want to learn (usually) but old enough that their personalities are beginning to truly develop their unique qualities. i love my kids, and i never, ever, EVER thought i would be able to say that about teaching in new london. God has been so good to me these past 2 and a half years. He has brought me through some difficult situations. i've seen growth from those situations. and now, i am thrilled to be working with an experienced, BIG, MALE teacher next year. God has answered prayer. not in my timing, and the process was incredibly hard.... but it's answered. i really think next year is going to be a great one.

tomorrow i will watch my first group of 6th graders be promoted from 8th to 9th grade. it has been so neat to see them grow these past few years. it is with mixed emotions that i will watch them walk across the stage in tomorrow's ceremony. mostly i will feel proud, with hopes and prayers that they will make it through the next 4 years to graduate from high school and then experience college. the sad reality is that the majority of them won't, but i'm praying for some major change in their lives in the coming years.

these students will always hold a special place in my heart, because they were "my first kids". i look forward to hearing great things from them in the coming years... to be continued....

can i just say

things that are making me happy right now:

- i am currently in nazareth, pennsylvania with my brother michael and my sister in law thea. momma muck is here, along with thea's mom and dad (oma and opa). they are a wonderful family and i am so blessed to have them in my life.

- wednesday night i fly out to chicago to see my brother receive his doctorate degree. i am so proud.

- there are only 33 days of school left... 32 for me :)

- the yankees lost today

- even though i have a countdown going for the end of school, i love my job and the kids i get to see every day.

- i am currently drinking a margarita.

precious Kate McRae

i spoke a bit about Kate McRae last night, and today I saw a video of her posted and wanted to share.

1st Corinthians 14:33

this past week was an exhausting one. there is SO much going on at school, i don't know where to begin. i'm caught in the middle in a variety of ways... and the Lord is really using this situation to grow and stretch me.

i've found great solace in going to visit the 6 kids in the autism room. while some people (and sadly, even their parents) write these kids off as nothing more than a nuisance, i see their progress and potential. they completely brighten my day. i've been staying at school later to get planning done and going to visit them during my prep period during the day.

i follow quite a few blogs - some here on my blog roll and a few on my phone. many of them are heartbreaking stories that i read in order to keep those families in my prayers. i'm to the point where i feel like i know these people. one girl in particular - kate mcrae. this little girl was diagnosed with a brain tumor back at the end of june. her family was getting ready to go to the water park in arizona, and her mom noticed a tremble in her hand a few days prior that wasn't going away. little kate was admitted THAT day and has only left the hospital a handful of times since then. she's currently on a study for a type of brain cancer that has a very high relapse rate. i check on this little girl every day, and have even commented on her blog that i hope to meet a CANCER FREE kate one day when i visit my sister in arizona. i encourage you to visit kate's blog and to pray for her complete healing: www.prayforkate.com

i think satan has a knack for getting in my mind and letting me think it's ok to have a pity party instead of thanking God in my every day life for the things He HAS provided.

this past christmas i bought a calendar with daily bible verses. this past friday was a day that i knew was going to be chaotic at school. like i said, there's a lot going on that can really get me down if i let it. what was friday's verse? "for God is NOT a God of disorder, but of peace." - 1st Corinthians 14:33

as much as satan can get in my head when i'm not consciously trying to see the positive, God is there in every day circumstances - the good and the bad. what a comfort! i love when God sends me words of encouragement right when i need it....

when a crappy night turns amazing

wow. that's pretty much all i have to say.

emily gironimi and becky plungis are two of the most amazing women of God i know. it's kind of odd for me to say that, because they are both considerably younger than me... but i am SO thankful that God has placed them both in my life.

sunday. valentine's day. i had forgotten until a youth leader said "happy valentine's day!" to me at the breakfast table at snow camp up in new hampshire. i was glad i was going to be away and on the road for the majority of the day, and i wouldn't be able to get caught up in the "woe is me" aspect of this stupid commercial holiday.

side note: i always wonder if i would feel differently about this holiday if i had someone to celebrate it with. that's right. 31 years of life and 31 years of never having anyone to dote on during this so called day of love. meh.

i digress.


i knew on sunday that i had a package coming my way, but had no idea what it was or why it was coming. well, today was the day!! and i was blown away by the package i received! i was out with a co worker when i came home to an email that didn't make me feel so great. then i remembered seeing THE package my parents had placed in front of my bedroom door.

as i was opening the package i was thinking "WHO DOES THIS?!?!"... who is really this thoughtful?? i've always considered myself a thoughtful person, but this was something i would never have thought of. sending someone a box of love on a day that they would rather skip over altogether.

so... attached is the picture of my package. my favorite part? hard to choose. the dvd of 27 dresses? never seen it. so that's exciting. brownies to bake?! they'll have to wait until after easter but it'll get done. i think my favorite part was the Bible verses written by hand. that's the part that made me cry. amazing reminders of my heavenly father who loves me to no end. i didn't only feel loved by 2 amazing women of God, but by my God.

thank you, girls :)

fat tuesday

it's fat tuesday! craziness! here's the "do it for Jesus" list for 2010:

no candy, except for the sugar free sour "mints" i have.

no coffee from dunkin donuts... this is going to be tough. i've been drinking it almost daily for the past week and a half.

no cookies, cake, or any baked good that is remotely tempting.

no potato chips or cheese puffs.

i think that's it? i feel like my list that i jotted down last night was longer. why don't i check my list, you ask? because it is in my purse which is locked in my car which is in the garage. i think it is still snowing out and i don't want to get it. that's why.

sensational seven (what?!) for 1.30.10

when i had what we thought was an ulcer, my doctor put me on anti-anxiety medicine, thinking less stress would help my stomach to make less acid... making my attacks less frequent. of course come to find out, it wasn't an ulcer... it was my gallbladder... but i'm still on the medicine.

for the past 2 weeks, for one reason or another, i had a hard time remembering to take my medicine. my mood was up and down (mostly down), which S U C K E D big time.

anyways, my new weekly post is going to be to find something positive that happened each day.

Sunday: church is always uplifting. the praise and worship portion of the service is always my favorite. i LOVE being a part of the praise team, but sometimes being in front of people makes me unable of uninhibited worship. i digress. another great thing from sunday was amanda and adah were visiting, so we all went out to lunch after church. it was just like old times. that night we made a video of random things and were just plain silly. so much fun.

Monday - i was supposed to spend the day with the dishes and the momma to be... but i woke up feeling awful. i went to the doctor, and then got my wisdom teeth looked at. i went home to bed and my dad was kind enough to pick up my 3 medications my doctor prescribed. he had sent them to target electronically. isn't technology amazing?! i also got to say goodbye to amanda and adah via skype. not to sensational... but it means they're closer to moving back! (WHUT WHUT!)

Tuesday - i spent tuesday home from school, too. i actually felt worse tuesday than monday. i got a few text messages from co workers asking if i was ok. it made me feel loved and missed. it was nice!

Wednesday - home again. when i emailed my sub plans to my department head, he emailed me back asking if i was ok. i guess they know i'm not out often, and never for more than a day here or a day there. when i wasn't there for 3 days, he was worried. even though he's my "boss" (i have so many!) it was nice that he thought enough to write.

Thursday - home a g a i n. poppa muck emailed me and asked if i wanted to go to an EB management dinner where the guest speaker would be a survivor of the miracle on the hudson. Dave Sanderson will speak in february. pretty exciting! oh AND thursday was my niece briana's birthday. 8 years old!

Friday - home yet again! i got an email from a coworker who is going to have a yoga class at school every friday from 3-4pm. i'm pretty excited!!!

Saturday - "my" pharmacist at target is the best!! he walked around target for 10 minutes during his lunch break to find me. turns out i had another prescription at the pharmacy, and he wanted to find me before i left. good guy :) oh AND i lost almost 3 pounds this week. i know it's mostly because i was sick and barely eating... but my 2 week total is 5.6 pounds. WOO HOO!

so, my first post was kind of lame... but i'm really going to try to write down (at least) one thing per day that is positive. like my blog title says... i'm going to try to SEE THE POSITIVE!!

[not so] sensational six for 1.16.10

this is more or less a stream of consciousness post (wish i could take credit for that.... but props go to mckmama) .... bear with me.

i can't come up with a sensational six for this week. i've been trying to think of all the good things that happened this week, and all i keep coming back to is this earthquake in haiti.

i feel absolutely helpless, so i cleaned out my closet and brought 3 bags of clothes to a distribution box that will hopefully make its way to people in need.

i just don't understand how i can go on with life here as if there aren't people in absolute turmoil, wondering how and when they will get through the next hour of the day.

what really gets to me is when i think about and see the kids. i've got some haitian kids at school, and i think of them living in those dire conditions and i want to cry. i wish there was more i could do to help.

i've said several times this week that i wish i could drop everything and go down there to help. i see the images on tv and wonder where the heck would you even begin? where do you start? you've got people trapped who are going to die because we can't get to them. you've got injured people who aren't getting the help they need. you're got people who are ok, but are going to die from dehydration because they've gone 3 days without water.

i begin to wonder how this all fits into God's perfect plan. so many people suffering. it's just so hard to fathom.

i came across this verse this week:

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17-18

the people of haiti had nothing.... and now they have less than that.

sensational six for 1.9.10

1. had a good first week back to school. despite some of my student's having vacation brain.... it was good to be back and in a routine again.

2. choir practice started up again this week. i forgot how much i enjoyed it.

3. i know rachel mentioned this but... can we talk a little more about AMANDA AND ADAH COMING OUT TO VISIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!

4. we have a youth pastor candidate visiting this weekend, and it was fun to spend some time with the kids from youth group. it's been a long time since i've seen this many kids from the youth group together at once, and for the most part, it was good to see them :)

5. i haven't bought coffee since last year! i thought with school this week i wouldn't have been able to do it, but i'm going strong!

6. i've been sitting here for a good 10 minutes trying to think of a number 6. maybe i'll come back when i think of something sensational!

2010

so many positive thoughts regarding this new year and new decade. i have a few "resolutions" which are really just changes i want to make in my life. i'm documenting them here so i can check back every few weeks to see how i'm doing:

1. healthiness. obviously nearly 100% of people that make resolutions resolve to lose weight. i'm serious this time because i've got to be. diabetes runs in my family, and i don't want to live life in fear of when it may hit me. i'm going to pay more attention to the CRAP i put in my mouth on a daily basis... hourly if i have to. drink more water. only 1 diet coke a day IF that. limit my empty calories. exercise on a regular basis (4-5 tines a week). i'm going to USE that gym membership instead of just paying for it :) ford the record, i LOATHE the gym. i've always wanted to be a person who LOVES going to the gym and getting a good workout in. fi've finally come to the realization that it can't happen unless i MAKE it happen. duh. seems so simple, but is going to take a lot of dedication, discipline, and accountability from you all :)

2. finances. i am definitely a spender. i pay my monthly bills, and then look at what's left and think "what can i buy that i've been wanting??". not anymore! i need to take financial responsibility if i ever want to get out of my parents house. NEVER did i imagine still being here at 31 years old. in fact, my plan at 18 was to be in a house, married, teaching part time and be done having kids by this point. HA! what a joke. our timing is not His, that is FOR SURE. the plan is this: from now until i get paid again next thursday, i am going to sit down and budget out what i need for bills, give myself a certain amount for spending and the rest goes into savings. the end. and i've been looking at sale flyers and only shopping on clearance racks for a bit now, and i plan on continuing that.

3. be more social - mabe social isn't the right word. i want to walk up to someone new and welcome them to church. i want to share my faith with a stranger. i want to go out to that party even though it feels like it is 30 below zero out. i have been blessed with some incredible people in my life, and i want to spend more time with them. i guess this stems from my gramma dying back in july (can't believe it's been almost 6 months already!). i regret not spending more time with her when she was healthy and even when she was failing in the nursing home. i regret those times i drove by thinking "i really should stop in" and have learned time is precious.

4. reading through the Bible - pastor bruce challenged us this morning to read through the Bible this year. he asked us to take a stand, and at first i was thinking "are you kidding me? if i DON'T stand everyone will look at me. but i don't know if i can do it." enough of that i don't know stuff. i can, and i pray that i keep this atand i took today and promise i made to myself and the Lord.

speaking of... i have 3 days of reading to do.......

sensational six for 1.2.10

holy moses - i haven't done this in what seems like forever.

1. SNOW! so pretty and i love watching it come down while sipping on coffee and watching a stupid lifetime movie, which... incidentally....

2. lifetime movies - amazing. there were 2 different marathons on yesterday, and i spent the majority of the day trying to get rid of my would be sinus infection by laying in bed watching movies.

3. friends - new year's eve was low key and fun! the highlight was definitely when rachel and i got to skype with amanda. it was as close to us all being in the same room as we can get right now!

4. shopping - i am so thankful to have a job that allows me to be able to buy noit only the things i need, but some of the things i want.

5. dunkin donuts french vanilla coffee - it's better when i brew it at home and sooooo delicious. unless we're talking iced coffee... then it has to come from a dunk. haven't mastered that yet.

6. a new year! - i love that this is not only a new year, but a new decade. for some reason, i have so much hope for things to start moving forward in my life this year. i started a post about the year in review and looking ahead to 2010, but i think when i get a chance i'm going to write about the things i'm looking to do in 2010, and some of my resolutions.... so you all can hold me to them!