conflicted.

ever been in a situation that you knew was being orchestrated by the Almighty, yet... it was one of the most difficult situations you have had to deal with in recent memory?

that's where i find myself tonight.

and i'm conflicted.

this past week i made a decision that has been 28 years in the making. while i am excited for what God has in store, i am simultaneously scared to death.

it is said that conflict is necessary in order for change.

the word "change" isn't usually welcome in my vocabulary...

i don't know anything else besides sundays groton heights baptist church.

and now that is gone.

my faith is such a huge part of who i am.

i think about the journey of my faith, and i see the people who have mentored me along my path...

the people who have loved me and seen through my adolescence...

the people who took me under their wing during my teen years.

the people who have been role models to me.

the people who have been Godly examples for me.

the people who i have seen Jesus in.

the people who i look up to, love and respect.

the people who i consider my family.

the family who God has placed in my life... all through the doors of ghbc... whether it has been for a season, or, as in many cases, for as long as i can remember.

it is so incredibly frightening to walk away from my family after 28 years.

but He who has called me to walk is greater than my fear;

i have seen many people come and go, and now... i sit here, unable to really grasp the reality that i'm one of the ones who has chosen to go.

i use the term "chosen" extremely loosely, because let me be clear: it is NOT me who has been driving this decision...

i've stepped out in faith, and am trusting the entire way...