my heart

(this is going to be all over the place.... bear with me)...
wednesday i had a rough day.
sometimes i get unhappy. i think about my life, and the struggles i and my family have gone through...
the tears i have shed over BOYS... over not being married... over not having a baby... over not having a perfect body...
sometimes i get SO ANGRY with myself for getting caught up in that sadness...
satan knows exactly what buttons to push...
those thoughts that creep their way into my mind... that discourage... that interfere and distract... that trouble... that suffocate my joy.
i have to snap out of it! i have to take a look around me. there is SO much good going on... and there is SO much evidence to me that God is indeed real and Jesus is very much alive and working in hearts of SO many...
it could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.
there are worse things than still living at home at 32 years old. (ugh... really??)
there are worse things than not being married.
there are worse thigns than not being a mother.
there are worse things than being overweight.
there are worse things than having that dumb wrinkle on my forehead from too much squinting.
let's take a look at the good... shall we?
- i have some pretty garsh darn amazing friends. and they allow me to love on their babies as if they were my own nieces and nephews. and they don't get freaked out. well, maybe they do... but they're kind enough to not talk about it in front of me :)
- i went out one day this summer, and stopped at a car dealership and decided i wanted to buy a car. so i did. all. by. myself. no one helped me. no one to steer me in one direction or another. how many women can say that? (ok don't tell me, let me just have this one, ok?)
- living at home allows me to travel. i am free to visit friends, to vacation, to visit family.
- i have an amazing job. talk about knowing God has seen you through some tough days but has COMPLETELY made Himself visible in so many different ways.
- i can totally do something about my weight, and i am! i'm completely medication free (anxiety and stomach presciptions - both of which i was put on because of my "ulcer") and have already dropped a small amount of that excess weight that i am CONVINCED i gained due to a combination of meds)... but it's a start!
- i'm healthy.
- i have a roof over my head.
- i have a college degree.
- i have a steady income.
i need to remember this on those days when i'm having a "my life susks and i'm not where i thought i would be at this point" kind of a day.