some thoughts

Transitions are times of learning and growing. I'm convinced the reason for my current circumstances is for just that: maturation, progress, sanctification. For the most part, I am loving it - not EVERY moment, but most. I am filled with joy and peace and contentment.

I have been undergoing a transformation the past 2-3 months, and having just spent a LOT of time in the car, I had some (read: a ton) of time to reflect.

Lately, I'm often reminded to appreciate the little things, the small moments, the quiet treasures.

Right now, I am taking note of these things precious to me:

• Iced Mocha from Starbucks... now even better with a shot of peppermint!
• Christmas Music
• being HOME (i'm referencing more than one home here)
• the simple encouragements from friends
• being able to pick up with friendships right where we left off
• flexibility and freedom to do what i want, when i want!

These things are good, and important to notice and give thanks for.

But there are bigger things happening. God is doing so much more.

I need to be reminded to surrender my agenda, in the small things. I have complete faith that God is showing me his plans are bigger and better. God "guards the feet of his faithful servant," (1 Samuel 2:9), and his "grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 12:9). His promises are true... I'm not surprised, but I am refreshed and excited and thankful and so many other things.

corn stuff and Thankful Thursday

EVERY year since thea marie has been in our family, officially and non-officially... she has made her famous corn stuff. it's name is REALLY spoon bread, but her dad calls it corn stuff, so that's what stuck.

EVERY year since thea has been making corn stuff, i have had to ask her for the recipe for a friend. or, in this case, for the muckle family thanksgiving.

EVERY time i ask her for the recipe, i'm sure she asks herself why i haven't written it down.

i made corn stuff for the first time this year. i decided to document it. this way, i don't have to ask poor thea ever again!

what you need:

a stick of butter

8 oz sour cream

1 can kernel corn (drained)

1 can cream corn

1 small box jiffy mix

melt a stick of butter and mix it with 8 ounces of sour cream.

then, add a can of drained kernel corn, and a can of creamed corn

then, stir in the jiffy mix

then lightly grease a 9x13" pan with butter

pour into the 9x13 pan and bake at 375* for 45mins to an hour.

Thankful Thursday - there is so much to be thankful for today; so much that i don't even know where to begin.

i am absolutely LOVING spending time here in Michigan with my family. the highlight? snuggle time with john and gabe... and getting to feel my nephew kick!

this year i am most thankful for God's unfailing love and grace... and for the fact that He never gives up on us! this road He has taken me on is beginning to take on a clearer picture... right now, no matter where i decide to worship, i am focusing on one relationship... not the relationships i am building with other parishioners... not with the kids... but with the Almighty. today, i am thankful for His grace, protection and provision.

Thankful Thursday # 2

Keeping it simple tonight. This week I am thankful for

Ruth Replogle - last Friday I received word that a dear friend of the family had passed from this life to the next. I don't think I could find adequate words for who Ruth Replogle was. She was a true gem; one in a million; Christ personified. Pastor Bruce put it best when he re-worded Genesis 5:24 and said "Ruth walked with God; and she was not, for God took her." She lived her life - every moment - for her Lord and Savior. What an example! Her husband shared a story that gives a little insight to her walk with the Lord. He said she would remind him, even in the midst of their chores, to thank God. "Lord, we ask your blessing on these chores".... who does that?! I love that woman. In the words of Julie Cook - Ruth, you make me want to love more, pray more, do more - all in His name.

Since Ruth's service on Tuesday, I have been more aware of the way I interact with people. I am more aware of how much I pray. I am more aware of how I pray. I strive to live my life in Ruth's example......

Thankful Thursday

in the spirit of Thanksgiving, i would like to write Thankful Thursday posts this month. (yes i realize i am a week late). i'm hoping to continue on with this after November, because the Bible tells us to be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18)... so, no more negative nelly around here!

i am thankful for:

a roof over my head tonight. every year around this time, when the weather turns colder, my mom says "just think of those poor people who don't have a shelter tonight"... momma's good when it comes to putting my perspective where it should be.

my dog. i may not have a husband or children to spoil, but i have my dog. she is CONVINCED that the world revolves around me. it doesn't matter if i have had the crappiest of days, that animal is SO excited to see me when i come home. kind of flattering. i've read this in a few places: 'Lord, please help me to be the woman my dog thinks i am." very true.

time with momma muck. poppa muck and my brother chris drove out to michigan today and are going to visit with tim and his family before going to the notre dame game on saturday... leaves us with lots of girl time. i'm also thankful that my dad and his first born get to spend some quality time together.

laryngitis. yes, you read that correctly. i've been planning for a while to take a few girls from the youth group to Sonic today seeing as we all had the day off. well, my voice has been progressively disappearing since tuesday.... every morning i wake up and think "it can't possibly be worse than it was yesterday" and much to my surprise, it is. this is something that i have had annually since i began teaching, but i have never had such a severe case. when i say i have NO voice, i have NO voice. i was thinking the hour-long drive would be interesting... however, it gave me an opportunity to really listen to the girls. it's the first time i've viewed illness as a blessing.

last for this week, but certainly not least: Veterans. my family is rich in history when it comes to family members who have served our great country. my uncle was a Marine... my brother served in the Army... my sister in law's father served in Viet Nam (actually served, none of this dick blumenthal stuff)... many friends who are actively serving... i am thankful for the men and women who have put their own lives on hold serving the United States. i encourage you, no matter how you feel about war, to honor these men and women as well. they have served so that you and i can enjoy the freedom we still have in this country.

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same."

- Ronald Reagan

"well, it's... it's a major award!"

i hope you caught that christmas story quote.... anyhow, i've been given an award! no, it's not a bowling alley or anything that will provide "the soft glow electric sex gleaming from the window" (another christmas story quote) but.... the versatile blogger award!!!

To accept this award, one must:

1. link back to the person who gave you this award


2. share 7 things about yourself


3. pass it along to other blogs you enjoy


4. make sure you tell your awardees about the award so they can repost.

I would like to thank Emily Gironimi for giving me this award :) i looked up the definition of "versatile", and it says "embracing a variety of subjects".... while i don't necessarily agree with that definition when it comes to my blog (i tend to whine a lot on here :) ) i am VERY appreciative of the award because you need to "pass it along to other blogs you enjoy". so, i'm glad you enjoy my blog, em! :)

here are 7 things about me:

1. i have a thing for making "to-do" lists. so much so, that i have multiple to-do lists. crossing items off my lists? amazing.

2. i love cheese. my oldest brother gave me the nick name "rodent" when i was little because i could have easily lived on cheese. still that way today. there are so many varieties and flavors, it should be its own food group. (today i picked up wisconsin sharp cheddar cheese and some onion & garlic jack cheese... woah!)

3. i love former president george w. bush. i'm tired of all the haters out there, when after 9/11 he had the highest approval ratings of any president in recent history. i give the man credit for doing a tough job during one of america's worst moments. i would love to meet him one day! maybe i will invite him to my wedding (when and if that happens, of course!) :)

4. i love to clean because it gives me instant gratification. dusting, vacuum, scrubbing. i. love. it. also, it adds to relieve stress!

5. i have officially applied to one grad school program. i have another program i am looking at and i can tell you that i'm already ready to be done.

6. *S*N*O*W* is in the forecast (literally a few flakes) for tomorrow morning... but can i tell you how GIDDY this makes me?! i love snow (from now until new year's - after that it's only good for an occasional snow day) i'm practically shaking on the inside with excitement because soon CHRISTMAS will be here!!! ohhhh "lovely, glorious, beautiful christmas!" (christmas story quote right there). i LOVE the holidays in general and am SO looking forward to Christmas this year because that means BABIES are due!!! :)

7. i don't know if i will ever be able to share a bed with my husband. seriously. i know, this is random but... i have a full size bed (i did have a queen) and i literally sprawl out across the whole thing. i don't know if i will ever be able to sleep confined to half of a bed.

well, i'm going to link up to a few blogs that i enjoy. i don't have high hopes for anyone posting the same kind of reply to the award, because these people live incredibly busy lives. just take it as a compliment that i truly enjoy reading your blog, and you are all an inspiration to me in one way or another! :)

The Dishmon Daily

Team Matzoh

Keeping Up With the Jones

My Dance of Joy

Kelly's Korner

Definitely. Maybe? Baby!

Bring the Rain

my mind and my heart...

my mind is constantly at war with my heart.

disclaimer: i love my parents dearly.

my mother is listening to peter, paul and mary's "this land is your land". my father is currently driving for the limo service, and i feel guilty being THRILLED with this time away from him because EVERY DAY i come home from work, he is here. the retiree is a home body. (now i know where i get it from).

i need decompression time from my job. this year i have been unable to be home before 5pm (with the exception of rare occasions and my precious fridays - i refuse to stay later than 3pm on a friday). whenever i come home, someone is here, and i am forced to close my door and hole up in my room while i process my day and prepare to talk.

is it too much to ask to have a home of my own? where i can hear only the music i want to hear? somewhere that gives me a little more space of my own? somewhere i can light the candles i want to burn? where i can leave something, and when i get back after a 10 or 11 hour day, it will still be there? somewhere i can call MY own? somewhere i can choose the color of the walls and the curtains i hang? somewhere i can express MY own self in the decor? somewhere i choose the carpeting?

i can't help but feel guilty for feeling this way, because as i stated in my disclaimer, i adore my parents. they're great. but i think i could adore them more if i was living down the road 10 minutes from them :)

(thanks for giving me that opportunity this week, rachel and kyle! even though i would much rather be with everyone!!)

i often wonder what God is preparing me for by living at home... still.

i could get a part time job... i technically DO have a part time job mondays, wednesdays and thursdays... it pays well... but i feel like working an additional minimum wage, part time job would further my exhaustion and take away from the energy i am required to have on a daily basis from 7am-4pm. it just doesn't seem worth it.

so, the plan is to stop saving for a few months and pay off some credit card balances i've been carrying for too long. i can write off my student loans in a few more years if i stick with teaching in an inner city school district. (definite bonus to teaching city kids, not sure if my sanity being on the line is worth it, though). pay extra on the (amazing) car (that i am still in love with) in order to pay that off early. cancel the gym membership. go to the cheapest netflix membership available. etc, etc, etc....

i really try to stay positive and see the bright side of things and lean on the Everlasting. BUT... this week has been tough on me. bad things happening to good people. friends making really poor choices. students making more poor choices. family members struggling financially. friends and family members struggles with addiction.

(side note that made me laugh: i proof read this and it originally said "friends and family members struggles with addition". ha! also, WHY is blogger so dumb and changing the size of my font in the middle of this post and then putting it back to normal later in the post? annoying.)

i have klove playing on another tab in my browser and this was playing as i wrote that last paragraph: "there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain and no more fears. there will be a day when the burdens of this palce, will be no more, we will see Jesus face to face, but until that day, we will hold on to you always..."

this post really doesn't have a conclusion, and that bothers my music-teacher-forced-to-additionally-teach-language-arts-and-essay-writing-skills self...... but the ultimate purpose of this blog is to document my heart and thoughts.... so that i can look back and see where i was and where i ended up.

to be continued...

chosen!

about this time last year, i sat on the front porch of my parents' house with kathryn, celebrating the life of a friend of hers that ended much earlier than she had hoped. we sipped pink champagne, and talked about the heavy things that come our way in life.

we talked about anthony, and how he had left his wife kristi behind. how they had been married such a short time. they had their whole life together planned, and they had much to accomplish.

everything kristi had, was stripped away in an instant.

i wondered... how did she move forward? how does she function? she is broken, but her faith is strong, kathryn told me. she knows that anthony's passing is part of God's plan... like it, or not...

i remember that night sharing with kathryn that the Lord had been asking me for quite some time, "Valerie... am I enough?"

while my life circumstances weren't what i was hoping for, they weren't as bad as kristi's... i was honest and i told Kathryn that at that point, i had to say "no"....

to some Christians, that may have been a questionable answer. kathryn reassured me that it was a beautiful answer.

after that conversation and some time of pushing it to the back burner, i did some research on brokenness...

and found that the Bible says that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us.

(well... that's a given...don't we all already know that?)

what i didn't realize was that while He may allow us to have free will, for those whom He wants to use for His purpose - they will be brought to brokenness so that they may serve to glorify Him.

wow... what better purpose in life???

i have said from the day that i graduated from high school that my wish was not to do what i wanted, but what the Lord would have me do... and it took me 8 years to get my teaching degree. the Lord taught me a lot during those 8 years... mostly that for me, the "normal" things for young adults don't happen in the time frame seen fit by society... but in His perfect timing.

why change that now?

i want a husband, and a house with little feet running through it. i want dirty diapers and sleepless nights. i want baby snot and spit up. i want focus on MY family. i want to attend Bible studies and bring my kids to soccer and baseball and gymnastics...

go back to that whole wishing-for-my-life-what-God-wants-and-not-what-i-want thing.

and insert be careful what you wish for [ here ].

i'm standing at a place in life where i never thought i'd be on SO many levels... and while it's a surprise to me, it's not to the One i made a promise to live for.

after all.... i've been chosen...

i can get so caught up in the have nots in my life... i have my days of wanting what i want, when i want it.

i need to be reminded that i have been CHOSEN by HIM to live my life for HIS purpose. not mine!!!

it means that my every need will be supplied. and not necessarily my "wants" in life. am i ok with that? i'm getting there.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i started this blog entry late last night (saturday). wouldn't you know... Pastor Bob McCoy's message today was on being CHOSEN!

the question resonating with me from today's sermon is this: Jesus has said "I have chosen you."... am i going to make Jesus my #1, or will i produce a substitute surrogate?

conflicted.

ever been in a situation that you knew was being orchestrated by the Almighty, yet... it was one of the most difficult situations you have had to deal with in recent memory?

that's where i find myself tonight.

and i'm conflicted.

this past week i made a decision that has been 28 years in the making. while i am excited for what God has in store, i am simultaneously scared to death.

it is said that conflict is necessary in order for change.

the word "change" isn't usually welcome in my vocabulary...

i don't know anything else besides sundays groton heights baptist church.

and now that is gone.

my faith is such a huge part of who i am.

i think about the journey of my faith, and i see the people who have mentored me along my path...

the people who have loved me and seen through my adolescence...

the people who took me under their wing during my teen years.

the people who have been role models to me.

the people who have been Godly examples for me.

the people who i have seen Jesus in.

the people who i look up to, love and respect.

the people who i consider my family.

the family who God has placed in my life... all through the doors of ghbc... whether it has been for a season, or, as in many cases, for as long as i can remember.

it is so incredibly frightening to walk away from my family after 28 years.

but He who has called me to walk is greater than my fear;

i have seen many people come and go, and now... i sit here, unable to really grasp the reality that i'm one of the ones who has chosen to go.

i use the term "chosen" extremely loosely, because let me be clear: it is NOT me who has been driving this decision...

i've stepped out in faith, and am trusting the entire way...

3 years

Isabella Madison Bychowsky...



also known as Izzy Bee...



you came SO early...



and left us much too soon...



you were beautiful...



and i am so honored to have met you...


4.20.07 - 9.13.07 - rest in peace, sweet izzy bee.

my heart

(this is going to be all over the place.... bear with me)...
wednesday i had a rough day.
sometimes i get unhappy. i think about my life, and the struggles i and my family have gone through...
the tears i have shed over BOYS... over not being married... over not having a baby... over not having a perfect body...
sometimes i get SO ANGRY with myself for getting caught up in that sadness...
satan knows exactly what buttons to push...
those thoughts that creep their way into my mind... that discourage... that interfere and distract... that trouble... that suffocate my joy.
i have to snap out of it! i have to take a look around me. there is SO much good going on... and there is SO much evidence to me that God is indeed real and Jesus is very much alive and working in hearts of SO many...
it could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.
there are worse things than still living at home at 32 years old. (ugh... really??)
there are worse things than not being married.
there are worse thigns than not being a mother.
there are worse things than being overweight.
there are worse things than having that dumb wrinkle on my forehead from too much squinting.
let's take a look at the good... shall we?
- i have some pretty garsh darn amazing friends. and they allow me to love on their babies as if they were my own nieces and nephews. and they don't get freaked out. well, maybe they do... but they're kind enough to not talk about it in front of me :)
- i went out one day this summer, and stopped at a car dealership and decided i wanted to buy a car. so i did. all. by. myself. no one helped me. no one to steer me in one direction or another. how many women can say that? (ok don't tell me, let me just have this one, ok?)
- living at home allows me to travel. i am free to visit friends, to vacation, to visit family.
- i have an amazing job. talk about knowing God has seen you through some tough days but has COMPLETELY made Himself visible in so many different ways.
- i can totally do something about my weight, and i am! i'm completely medication free (anxiety and stomach presciptions - both of which i was put on because of my "ulcer") and have already dropped a small amount of that excess weight that i am CONVINCED i gained due to a combination of meds)... but it's a start!
- i'm healthy.
- i have a roof over my head.
- i have a college degree.
- i have a steady income.
i need to remember this on those days when i'm having a "my life susks and i'm not where i thought i would be at this point" kind of a day.