(this is going to be all over the place.... bear with me)...
wednesday i had a rough day.
sometimes i get unhappy. i think about my life, and the struggles i and my family have gone through...
the tears i have shed over BOYS... over not being married... over not having a baby... over not having a perfect body...
sometimes i get SO ANGRY with myself for getting caught up in that sadness...
satan knows exactly what buttons to push...
those thoughts that creep their way into my mind... that discourage... that interfere and distract... that trouble... that suffocate my joy.
i have to snap out of it! i have to take a look around me. there is SO much good going on... and there is SO much evidence to me that God is indeed real and Jesus is very much alive and working in hearts of SO many...
it could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.
there are worse things than still living at home at 32 years old. (ugh... really??)
there are worse things than not being married.
there are worse thigns than not being a mother.
there are worse things than being overweight.
there are worse things than having that dumb wrinkle on my forehead from too much squinting.
let's take a look at the good... shall we?
- i have some pretty garsh darn amazing friends. and they allow me to love on their babies as if they were my own nieces and nephews. and they don't get freaked out. well, maybe they do... but they're kind enough to not talk about it in front of me :)
- i went out one day this summer, and stopped at a car dealership and decided i wanted to buy a car. so i did. all. by. myself. no one helped me. no one to steer me in one direction or another. how many women can say that? (ok don't tell me, let me just have this one, ok?)
- living at home allows me to travel. i am free to visit friends, to vacation, to visit family.
- i have an amazing job. talk about knowing God has seen you through some tough days but has COMPLETELY made Himself visible in so many different ways.
- i can totally do something about my weight, and i am! i'm completely medication free (anxiety and stomach presciptions - both of which i was put on because of my "ulcer") and have already dropped a small amount of that excess weight that i am CONVINCED i gained due to a combination of meds)... but it's a start!
- i'm healthy.
- i have a roof over my head.
- i have a college degree.
- i have a steady income.
i need to remember this on those days when i'm having a "my life susks and i'm not where i thought i would be at this point" kind of a day.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
dear parents:
please stop trying to be your child's best friend by telling them things they have no business knowing. your job as a parent is to be just that - -a parent. you will, in turn, make my job much easier.
hugs and love,
val
hugs and love,
val
Saturday, September 4, 2010
life is good today
i just wanted to document today.
dad's retirement is coming up in a little over a month. mike and thea have thought it over a lot, and decided to make him something for his retirement gift.
dad's retirement is coming up in a little over a month. mike and thea have thought it over a lot, and decided to make him something for his retirement gift.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
life
i think today about marks the halfway point through summer. crazy. so far i have done a whole lot of... well, nothing. haven't been to the beach, haven't traveled anywhere exciting. i have, however, bought a car and taken quite a few naps. not really living life to the fullest, i guess. gotta work on that.
last week was my niece rebecca's 13th birthday. 13! although she looks more like she's 18.
i think it's the eye make up.
i remember when rebecca was born. my first niece. she was 5 weeks early and a PEANUT. oh how i love babies!
i digress.
i've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things lately. life in general, really. where is mine going?
it's never easy to admit when you're unhappy with life. at least it's not for me. and when i look back at the past few years, i realize i'm really not that happy.
i love the kids i teach. i really do. as much as some of them drive me crazy, i'm honored and proud to have entered the teaching profession and strive to be a positive influence in the lives of my students each and every day. i know their lives are far from ideal, and i just hope they can look back at their time in my classroom and know that i loved them. it would be great if they learned something, too! but to know that i loved them is more important to me.
when i was job searching, i remember saying ''i just want to find a job. my life has been at a standstill for 3 years and i just want some movement forward.'' i thought getting hired to teach would help change that feeling of my life being "on pause"...
i was 29, and saw myself in a condo by 30. (ha! didn't happen.) paying off student loans, credit card debt, adding a car payment, cell phone bill, "rent", and spending just because i can haven't allowed me to be as close to being debt free as i would like to be. i'm not getting any younger. i'm no closer to living the dream of being a wife and mom than i was 5 years ago when i graduated with my bachelor's...
so now the time has come to make a decision about my master's. honestly, it was something i was hoping i could avoid altogether because i am by NO MEANS a student. i have never been a fan of academia... just a big fan of the social aspect of getting my education. now that i have clean slate to start with, i want to hold myself to high standards. but, the problem lies with where to start...
do i take a step of faith and apply to schools outside of connecticut? what programs should i apply for? do i stop at a master's, or get my 6th year? then, why stop there? i was able to witness my brother's doctoral commencement and was inspired by the ONE and ONLY Ph. D. candidate in education. but do i want to stick with education?
i've thought a lot about nursing. i'd probably apply to an accelerated nursing's program and get my master's. last summer i talked to another youth leader at church about nursing and she offered to have me shadow her for a day on the labor and delivery floor. how AWESOME would that be?? if i'm not blessed with a husband and children, wouldn't it be cool to help bring a bunch of babies into the world?! i think so.
i took out part of a valentine's gift from 2 GREAT girls the other night, and 2 verses they gave me slapped me in the face:
"NEVER stop praying. be THANKFUL in ALL circumstances, for this is GOD's WILL for YOU who BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST." - 1 Thess 5:17-18
and
"commit to the LORD whatever you do... and YOUR PLANS WILL SUCCEED!" - proverbs 16:3
what great verses!!!
i'm not sure anyone will make it to the end of this post... but i wanted to be able to come back at some point and see how far i have come... because at this point in my life... i feel like i'm stuck on "pause" again........
last week was my niece rebecca's 13th birthday. 13! although she looks more like she's 18.
i think it's the eye make up.
i remember when rebecca was born. my first niece. she was 5 weeks early and a PEANUT. oh how i love babies!
i digress.
i've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things lately. life in general, really. where is mine going?
it's never easy to admit when you're unhappy with life. at least it's not for me. and when i look back at the past few years, i realize i'm really not that happy.
i love the kids i teach. i really do. as much as some of them drive me crazy, i'm honored and proud to have entered the teaching profession and strive to be a positive influence in the lives of my students each and every day. i know their lives are far from ideal, and i just hope they can look back at their time in my classroom and know that i loved them. it would be great if they learned something, too! but to know that i loved them is more important to me.
when i was job searching, i remember saying ''i just want to find a job. my life has been at a standstill for 3 years and i just want some movement forward.'' i thought getting hired to teach would help change that feeling of my life being "on pause"...
i was 29, and saw myself in a condo by 30. (ha! didn't happen.) paying off student loans, credit card debt, adding a car payment, cell phone bill, "rent", and spending just because i can haven't allowed me to be as close to being debt free as i would like to be. i'm not getting any younger. i'm no closer to living the dream of being a wife and mom than i was 5 years ago when i graduated with my bachelor's...
so now the time has come to make a decision about my master's. honestly, it was something i was hoping i could avoid altogether because i am by NO MEANS a student. i have never been a fan of academia... just a big fan of the social aspect of getting my education. now that i have clean slate to start with, i want to hold myself to high standards. but, the problem lies with where to start...
do i take a step of faith and apply to schools outside of connecticut? what programs should i apply for? do i stop at a master's, or get my 6th year? then, why stop there? i was able to witness my brother's doctoral commencement and was inspired by the ONE and ONLY Ph. D. candidate in education. but do i want to stick with education?
i've thought a lot about nursing. i'd probably apply to an accelerated nursing's program and get my master's. last summer i talked to another youth leader at church about nursing and she offered to have me shadow her for a day on the labor and delivery floor. how AWESOME would that be?? if i'm not blessed with a husband and children, wouldn't it be cool to help bring a bunch of babies into the world?! i think so.
i took out part of a valentine's gift from 2 GREAT girls the other night, and 2 verses they gave me slapped me in the face:
"NEVER stop praying. be THANKFUL in ALL circumstances, for this is GOD's WILL for YOU who BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST." - 1 Thess 5:17-18
and
"commit to the LORD whatever you do... and YOUR PLANS WILL SUCCEED!" - proverbs 16:3
what great verses!!!
i'm not sure anyone will make it to the end of this post... but i wanted to be able to come back at some point and see how far i have come... because at this point in my life... i feel like i'm stuck on "pause" again........
Thursday, June 17, 2010
school's out for summer!
(almost)....
i really can't believe that i am looking at the end of another school year tonight. typically i reflect on the year i've had, and i have to say this has been the best. i have enjoyed teaching 5th and 6th graders immensely. they are young enough that they want to learn (usually) but old enough that their personalities are beginning to truly develop their unique qualities. i love my kids, and i never, ever, EVER thought i would be able to say that about teaching in new london. God has been so good to me these past 2 and a half years. He has brought me through some difficult situations. i've seen growth from those situations. and now, i am thrilled to be working with an experienced, BIG, MALE teacher next year. God has answered prayer. not in my timing, and the process was incredibly hard.... but it's answered. i really think next year is going to be a great one.
tomorrow i will watch my first group of 6th graders be promoted from 8th to 9th grade. it has been so neat to see them grow these past few years. it is with mixed emotions that i will watch them walk across the stage in tomorrow's ceremony. mostly i will feel proud, with hopes and prayers that they will make it through the next 4 years to graduate from high school and then experience college. the sad reality is that the majority of them won't, but i'm praying for some major change in their lives in the coming years.
these students will always hold a special place in my heart, because they were "my first kids". i look forward to hearing great things from them in the coming years... to be continued....
i really can't believe that i am looking at the end of another school year tonight. typically i reflect on the year i've had, and i have to say this has been the best. i have enjoyed teaching 5th and 6th graders immensely. they are young enough that they want to learn (usually) but old enough that their personalities are beginning to truly develop their unique qualities. i love my kids, and i never, ever, EVER thought i would be able to say that about teaching in new london. God has been so good to me these past 2 and a half years. He has brought me through some difficult situations. i've seen growth from those situations. and now, i am thrilled to be working with an experienced, BIG, MALE teacher next year. God has answered prayer. not in my timing, and the process was incredibly hard.... but it's answered. i really think next year is going to be a great one.
tomorrow i will watch my first group of 6th graders be promoted from 8th to 9th grade. it has been so neat to see them grow these past few years. it is with mixed emotions that i will watch them walk across the stage in tomorrow's ceremony. mostly i will feel proud, with hopes and prayers that they will make it through the next 4 years to graduate from high school and then experience college. the sad reality is that the majority of them won't, but i'm praying for some major change in their lives in the coming years.
these students will always hold a special place in my heart, because they were "my first kids". i look forward to hearing great things from them in the coming years... to be continued....
Saturday, May 1, 2010
can i just say
things that are making me happy right now:
- i am currently in nazareth, pennsylvania with my brother michael and my sister in law thea. momma muck is here, along with thea's mom and dad (oma and opa). they are a wonderful family and i am so blessed to have them in my life.
- wednesday night i fly out to chicago to see my brother receive his doctorate degree. i am so proud.
- there are only 33 days of school left... 32 for me :)
- the yankees lost today
- even though i have a countdown going for the end of school, i love my job and the kids i get to see every day.
- i am currently drinking a margarita.
- i am currently in nazareth, pennsylvania with my brother michael and my sister in law thea. momma muck is here, along with thea's mom and dad (oma and opa). they are a wonderful family and i am so blessed to have them in my life.
- wednesday night i fly out to chicago to see my brother receive his doctorate degree. i am so proud.
- there are only 33 days of school left... 32 for me :)
- the yankees lost today
- even though i have a countdown going for the end of school, i love my job and the kids i get to see every day.
- i am currently drinking a margarita.
Monday, March 8, 2010
precious Kate McRae
i spoke a bit about Kate McRae last night, and today I saw a video of her posted and wanted to share.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
1st Corinthians 14:33
this past week was an exhausting one. there is SO much going on at school, i don't know where to begin. i'm caught in the middle in a variety of ways... and the Lord is really using this situation to grow and stretch me.
i've found great solace in going to visit the 6 kids in the autism room. while some people (and sadly, even their parents) write these kids off as nothing more than a nuisance, i see their progress and potential. they completely brighten my day. i've been staying at school later to get planning done and going to visit them during my prep period during the day.
i follow quite a few blogs - some here on my blog roll and a few on my phone. many of them are heartbreaking stories that i read in order to keep those families in my prayers. i'm to the point where i feel like i know these people. one girl in particular - kate mcrae. this little girl was diagnosed with a brain tumor back at the end of june. her family was getting ready to go to the water park in arizona, and her mom noticed a tremble in her hand a few days prior that wasn't going away. little kate was admitted THAT day and has only left the hospital a handful of times since then. she's currently on a study for a type of brain cancer that has a very high relapse rate. i check on this little girl every day, and have even commented on her blog that i hope to meet a CANCER FREE kate one day when i visit my sister in arizona. i encourage you to visit kate's blog and to pray for her complete healing: www.prayforkate.com
i think satan has a knack for getting in my mind and letting me think it's ok to have a pity party instead of thanking God in my every day life for the things He HAS provided.
this past christmas i bought a calendar with daily bible verses. this past friday was a day that i knew was going to be chaotic at school. like i said, there's a lot going on that can really get me down if i let it. what was friday's verse? "for God is NOT a God of disorder, but of peace." - 1st Corinthians 14:33
as much as satan can get in my head when i'm not consciously trying to see the positive, God is there in every day circumstances - the good and the bad. what a comfort! i love when God sends me words of encouragement right when i need it....
i've found great solace in going to visit the 6 kids in the autism room. while some people (and sadly, even their parents) write these kids off as nothing more than a nuisance, i see their progress and potential. they completely brighten my day. i've been staying at school later to get planning done and going to visit them during my prep period during the day.
i follow quite a few blogs - some here on my blog roll and a few on my phone. many of them are heartbreaking stories that i read in order to keep those families in my prayers. i'm to the point where i feel like i know these people. one girl in particular - kate mcrae. this little girl was diagnosed with a brain tumor back at the end of june. her family was getting ready to go to the water park in arizona, and her mom noticed a tremble in her hand a few days prior that wasn't going away. little kate was admitted THAT day and has only left the hospital a handful of times since then. she's currently on a study for a type of brain cancer that has a very high relapse rate. i check on this little girl every day, and have even commented on her blog that i hope to meet a CANCER FREE kate one day when i visit my sister in arizona. i encourage you to visit kate's blog and to pray for her complete healing: www.prayforkate.com
i think satan has a knack for getting in my mind and letting me think it's ok to have a pity party instead of thanking God in my every day life for the things He HAS provided.
this past christmas i bought a calendar with daily bible verses. this past friday was a day that i knew was going to be chaotic at school. like i said, there's a lot going on that can really get me down if i let it. what was friday's verse? "for God is NOT a God of disorder, but of peace." - 1st Corinthians 14:33
as much as satan can get in my head when i'm not consciously trying to see the positive, God is there in every day circumstances - the good and the bad. what a comfort! i love when God sends me words of encouragement right when i need it....
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